I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
