He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
