Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
