I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
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