I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
