Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
