My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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