'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
