There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
