Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
