Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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