She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
