So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
she told me i tasted like america
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
