Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
