Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
