So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
