I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Sober January is a disaster.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
