If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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