wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
