I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
