Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
