I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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