Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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