I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
