Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
