Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Randomize
