Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Panties = found
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
