You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize