I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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