ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
