Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
it's like heaven, but drunker
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
