You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
