i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
