You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize