I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i think i have two assholes
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
