im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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