she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize