Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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