so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize
