he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
