Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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