I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
