I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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