is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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