what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
