I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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