i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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