Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
