aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
