It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
