Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
