He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
