Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
