There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
