He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
