i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
