You smell like a Billy Joel song
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
