Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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