i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
