I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize