dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
