how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
