we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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