i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
