I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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