i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
apparently the secret to your success is patron
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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