I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
