I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
