i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
