I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
