I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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