If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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