why didn't you poke me back
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
