What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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