And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
